Canon is Here...

Our sweet boy made his arrival 1 month and 1 week early.  He is a chunk just as we thought, 6 pounds, 4 ounces, and 20 inches long.  I will post details soon.  Please keep him in your prayers.  He will be in the NICU until next Wednesday but is doing GREAT!

Merry Christmas!

   I want to wish everyone the merriest Christmas and a very happy New Year.  Alot has been going on for Trent and I but I will post about that later!  We are both so ready for Christmas and even more excited that Canon may make his arrival as early as January 16th.  We are more excited than we have ever been. 
  This week Easton and Parker's head stone came in and we are hoping for it to be set up at the cemetery before Christmas.  The rain is kind of holding us up at the moment.  It will be a bittersweet day but we are ready to have something more than a small name plate that simply has their names.  I'll post pictures of how beautiful it turned out once it is set up.  We miss our boys and find our selves wishing we could have all three of our boys together. Yes, it would be quite noisy and chaotic at our house, but we wouldn't have it any other way, if we had the choice.  We can't wait to see if Canon resembles Easton or Parker.  They were beautiful little boy's if I say so myself.
  We had Christmas with my mom's family this past weekend and it was lots of fun.  I'll try to post some pics from our day.  I hope everyone enjoys the rest of 2011 and has a very prosperous 2012.  Happy Holidays blog friends.



  

32 weeks, 2 days

   Can you guys believe that Christmas is almost here again?  It seems like it was just a few months ago.  The older I get the faster my life seems to pass me by.  The same has been for this pregnancy.  It blows me away that we have eight weeks at the most until Canon arrives.  If the specialist is right then we have more like five or six.  I am so excited but nervous at the same time.  I find myself wondering if I am really ready to be a mom and if I will be a good one at that.  When I say "ready" I don't mean, am I ready to have my sweet boy here with me.  I mean "Am I wise enough to care for another human being?"  It just makes me nervous, which I am guessing is normal. 
   I am having more and more contractions now, which I know is normal.  I still take Procardia every four hours to keep them under control but before long I don't know how it will keep them at bay.  When I quit taking it at thirty seven weeks, I feel like I will have them every few minutes.  I was already having fifteen or so an hour at twenty weeks without the meds so I can only imagine that my labor may kick in pretty quickly.  The specialist said that there is a fifty percent chance that I will have him within a week of stopping the medication.  My husband is so excited and it melts my heart.  He has gotten to where he tells me all the things that he and Canon are going to do together when he gets here.  It makes my heart smile.  We are both so in love. 
    I still haven't gotten any Christmas shopping done.  I don't think Trent and I are going to buy each other gifts this year.  We realized today that we haven't even talked about what to get each other.  We both decided that we didn't really need for anything and that we want to save our money for our boy and all the needs that we may have after he is born.  Giving is always so much more fun than receiving to me anyways, so that is what we will do this year.  I hope all of you have a great Christmas and New Year's.  We look forward to spending ours with our family and friends.
  Tomorrow we see the specialist for the last time and it is bittersweet.I love updates from him because we get the best ultrasounds (that is if Canon chooses to cooperate) and lots of updates.  We are anxious to see how big he is since He was one ounce from four pounds a little over two weeks ago.  Please keep Canon in your prayers.  We want him to be very healthy and happy.  I'll update again soon!  Happy Holidays!!!

Baby Shower- 31 weeks, 1 day...

My sister Madison and I

Mom and I

Love his little back pack



  Our baby shower was GREAT this weekend.  We are beyond blessed and received the greatest gifts for our little Canon.  I was so happy to have our friends and family in South La. for our shower.  Even though it was close to a four hour drive from where our family and friends are from, around twenty five of them made the long drive to spend the day with us.  They will never know how thankful we are to them, especially since we can't make the drive home until after Canon is born.  I never thought the day would come when I would get to have a baby shower for our next baby and the day has come and gone.  It seems like yesterday I was in the hospital having the twins and terrified that I would never have anymore children.  We are now nearing the end of our second pregnancy and patiently awaiting the arrival of our third precious boy.  God has been so good to us and we are forever in debt to him for his blessings upon our entire family.  Thanks for all of the continued prayers. 

Our big boy!

   At the specialist yesterday, we found out that sweet Canon weighs an estimated 3 pounds 15 ounces.  His body is in the 71st percentile and his big ole head is in the 90th percentile.  We saw the same specialist yesterday that we saw every time with the twins.  It was the first time that we saw Dr. S this time and it was a little sad for us but I was glad to see him again.  He was able to talk to us a little about what happened with the twins and also did an in depth ultrasound to check Canon's organs because he knew that would help us a little with our worrying.  We don't worry constantly and actually we haven't been given any reason to worry about his health throughout this pregnancy but when they told me that his head measured three weeks ahead yesterday that kind of worried me.  After voicing my concerns he scanned Canon's head again and showed us his brain and let us know that the amount of fluid was normal and that we shouldn't be concerned.  He says that someone in my family just has a big head and so does our sweet boy.  I can deal with a big head as long as he's healthy. 
  We also discussed at what point I would most likely go into labor.  Although Dr. S is only human and can't know for sure, he feels like when I quit the Procardia at 37 weeks that I will have him within days.  This only gives me around 7 more weeks with him in my belly if this is the case and so that's a little nerve racking.  He also said he thinks I will labor quickly because of the amount of contractions that I will have when I stop the meds.  This would be the best case scenario for me because I have read alot on inducing and I do not want to be given Pitocin.  I know many doctors use it but I have talked to many people who's babies have ended up in the NICU because of their heart rate dropping after the mother was given this drug.  Last week Trent's cousin had her first baby and even though he weighed 9 1/2 pounds he has been in the NICU over a week due to him getting in distress during birth.  Supposedly it was because of pitocin and his size and this scared me even more.  So hopefully things will work out and I can go into the hospital and be in labor and have this sweet boy.  I am terrified of how exactly things will go b/c I admit I am a bit of a control freak, but this is obviously not in my hands and I know that God will protect us.  I just DO NOT want my water to break at home or be anything like last time because it traumatized me to say the least.  Please keep us in your prayers as we go through the next few weeks, waiting to meet Canon.  I can hardly contain my excitement and I catch my self standing in his nursery door dreaming of the day he is laying in his crib.

Happy Thanksgiving and 30 weeks!

I hope all of you had a great Thanksgiving with your family and friends. Trent and I have so very much to be thankful for this year and every year.  Our parents and Trent's brother and our sister in law came and stayed the night before Thanksgiving and my mom and her boyfriend came Thanksgiving morning for us all to have lunch together.  Did I mention that it is a 3 1/2 hour drive from our hometown to where we live now, so we so appreciate them all making the long drive. Our lunch was amazing and I have now eaten Thanksgiving leftovers twice.  I am kind of wondering what my weight gain will be Monday at the Dr.  Oh well I enjoyed my food and all the pie, peanut butter balls, and pumpkin bars (yummy).  My mom left to go back home this morning and Trent and I went to see Breaking Dawn when he got off work.  I thought it was pretty good but am pretty sure they could have combined it with the next movie.
  Tomorrow will mark 30 weeks that Canon has been in my tummy.  Where has the time gone?  Some days seem to fly and others seem to crawl. My baby shower is next weekend the 3rd and I can't wait.  I never had a shower with the twins since I had them so early and so I am extra ready for this day.  Oh, I forgot to mention that Canon's baby room is finished.  I am sooo happy and it takes my breathe when I walk by and think about my sweet boy laying in his bed in the next two months.  Here are a few pics!

My mom made Canon's wreath for us.  The bear was on Trent's baby wreath when he was a baby and the tin cup and rattle were mine when I was a baby.  The little shoes were the first thing I bought when I found out we were expecting baby number 3.  I wanted to surprise Trent with them.  This will definitely be something we will keep forever.

Sweet froggy lamp

His antique dresser.

Maternity pictures



My mother in law took my maternity pictures for me a few days ago and I think they turned out great!  I was so thankful and can't wait to have a few of these blown up for Canon's nursery....Hope you like them!

Happy Birthday Easton and Parker!

Has it really been a year? Where has the time gone?  Last November the 20th was the most memorable day of my life and also the most devastating.  When I look back on my life I never would have imagined that I would find out I was having twins, much less identicals.  We were ready to meet our baby boys but not ready for the complications and heart break to come.  Our entire family was deeply hurt by the loss of our sweet boys and all of our hearts are still weaving our way through the process of mending.  Seeing Easton and Parker for the first times was amazing to say the least and we yearned to see the rise and fall of their little chest's as they took their first few breathes.  There was nothing though, no rising and falling, just two tiny, beautiful, lifeless little boys. They were perfect!  Their little hands and feet and tiny noses and lips.  It is true a mom does always think her children are the most beautiful and special.  As I sit here and write this, their little brother Canon, is kicking and letting me know that he is so very healthy and growing as he should be.  I always prayed that Trent and I would have another baby on the way by the time this November came around.  I wanted something to be thankful for and something to brighten this sad day.  We sure got the answer to our prayers because in two short months, if not before, we will welcome sweet baby Canon.  I can't wait to hold him and kiss him and let him know how very loved he is.  We are so blessed!  Praise be to God.  Happy birthday mama's sweet baby boys. 


Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."  Matthew 19:14

29 weeks

Growing bigger by the week

Sweet husband and baby

We Passed!

I got my results from the 3 hour glucose test today and we passed! Thank goodness!  Thanks for all of the prayers!  We know God has his hand on sweet baby Canon. 

3 hour glucose test! Yummy...

  Today, I had the wonderful opportunity of taking the 3 hour glucose test.  The drink didn't bother me because I was dying of thirst from having to fast the night before.  The part that I found the worst was having blood drawn four times in one day.  You would think they would leave a needle in your arm and keep drawing from the same place but nope, I had it drawn at 8:00, 9:00, 10:00, and 11:00.  My arms have had enough needles for a while.  I'm not trying to complain though because there are way worse things than sitting in a doctor's office for three hours and drinking a nasty drink.  We really are blessed and I am pretty sure that I will pass the 3 hour test.  Saturday we will be 29 weeks and are THRILLED.  Baby Canon is making his presence known and is hardly ever still.  If I wake up in the night and don't feel him moving, I find myself poking my tummy a little to make him move.  I'm sure I'm not the only mom who's done this.  I just want to know that all is ok with him.  I still can't believe that I am going to be a mom.  I find myself wondering what I have done to deserve this sweet boy.  My heart is bursting with love!

Glucose Test. 28 weeks, 2 days

  I got to drink that lovely orange drink today and sit an hour while my child had a dance party in my tummy.  He obviously enjoyed it way more than his mommy.  I'm sure people stared at me as I held my side because of his constant kick boxing. I am guessing that I will get my results tomorrow when I see Dr. G.  We are praying and hoping that we passed with flying colors.
  This past weekend Trent went back to North La. to hunt and visit his parents and my mom, grandma, and aunt came to visit.  We spent the weekend talking, laughing and cooking yummy food.  My mom and aunt washed all of Canon's little clothes and hung them in his closet.  Is it bad that he has more clothes than Trent and I put together?  I love all of the blue.  I guess it's good that I am having a boy because pink is not a favorite color of mine.  I was telling my mom that if we ever have a girl, that her room will have to be painted yellow, green, or purple but not pink.  Maybe this is a sign...That and the fact that I have had three boys already.  I may just be made to have boys.  I know that God has a plan and he knows the number and gender of all of our future babies.  To be honest, I'd be happy with three boys if that's the plan.  What is hard to imagine is that if Trent and I have two more babies, and they are also boy's, that including Easton and Parker, we will have had five boys.  What are the chances? LOL! How amazing that would be!
  We see the Peri again on November 28th and I can't wait to see how big Canon is getting.  It feels like he weighs ten pounds already instead of three.
  This coming Sunday, the 20th will be a year since I had Easton and Parker.  I have to say that day has scarred me forever and I pray that this child birth will be different in every way.  When I hear a person say that they hope their water just breaks and they go into labor, I cringe.  This is my biggest fear.  When my water broke last time, I was in full blown labor and had birthed two babies within an hour.   I don't want my water to break.  I want to make it to the hospital and have perfectly normal labor and if the Dr. has to break my water to start labor, then so be it.  The fear overwhelms my husband and I.  It is heartbreaking that when he leaves me for even a day that he is terrified that I will go into labor and he won't be here to get me to the hospital.  He reminds me before every appt. to ask my doctor should we call an ambulance or rush to the hospital if something happens.  I hurt for him...We hurt for each other.  Being pregnant will never again be innocent and without constant worry for us both.  I pray that after this pregnancy and a healthy baby to hold at the end, that we will view our next one in a different way and be less scared and obsessive about every small pain.  Great days are ahead and we can't wait to look sweet Canon in the eyes. 

Hi Friends!

  How are you guy's?  Things around the McCoy house are going pretty well.  This Saturday marks 28 weeks, another goal met.  Our first goal was obviously twelve weeks, then twenty, then twenty five, and now twenty eight.  Although, we still have a ways to go, Dr. G has said since day one, "you must make it to twenty eight weeks and he will survive", so this is another very important day for us.  Our next goal is thirty two weeks, then thirty four.  At this point, every day counts and Canon gets stronger and stronger.  My mom is off work for Veteran's day tomorrow and she and my grandmother and aunt are coming in for the weekend.  It has been a few months since I have seen my grandma, due to her living so far away and me not being able to come home.  She decided she was waiting no longer and that she must come this weekend.  I must say, I am excited to see her and my aunt, as they are like mother's to me.  I'm sure I will have lots of good food to eat since she is already calling wanting to know what she should cook me. 

  Speaking of eating and food, I have my glucose test Monday.  This should be interesting because I am quite worried of what the results could say.  I know I am at the top of my weight gain, as my Dr. has already told me but I also have some of the other symptoms, so we shall see.  I can't imagine have gestational diabetes right in time for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  What in the world would I do?  So, I am praying and hoping for a negative.  Our prayers are definitely working, as we received our third negative FFN test yesterday.  Every time I brace myself for bad news and it comes bad good!  Our God is amazing! 



27 Weeks

This weekend I got registered...Woohoo!  My mom and mother in law were great, and wheeled me around the mall and followed me in the scooter around Target! I picked out the sweetest most cuddly little clothes and a high chair, swing, and lots more.  I will have to say that the scooter killed my back but overall we had a blast.  We go back to see the Peri tomorrow and can't wait to see how big our boy has gotten.  Here is a picture from my weekend...  I almost forgot the most important part... Mom and Bren (my mother in law) got my baby bedding put on the bed.  I love it!

27 weeks

Here's his bedding.  You can't quite see it in this pic but it's blue and cream toile.  We love it!

Negative FFN... Praise Jesus

  We got our second negative FFN yesterday.  We were thrilled.  It is safe to say, Canon shouldn't be here for at least three more weeks, which will put us at 30 weeks.  This weekend my mom and mother in law are coming to visit me and take me to register.  I am very excited but also very nervous about going into the third trimester.  This baby is coming, ready or not.  I am very nervous for some reason to be a mom. Even though I already had Easton and Parker, it's not the child birth that scares me, but the fact that
I will raise this child forever.  I wonder if it is normal to get so nervous.  Anyway, we see the specialist again on Monday and I will hopefully have a new picture of him and some new information.  Still praying for a healthy, full term baby...

26 weeks, 1 day

  I'm not sure if many people are still keeping up with our journey but for those who are, I hope you don't get tired of my weekly pregnancy updates.  I just can't think of anything more interesting or exciting than the upcoming birth of Canon.  I sit here and wonder if any one has ever been as excited as I am?  I know that nuts and that, yes, there are many people just as giddy but I feel like the luckiest girl alive.  Child birth and growing a baby in my tummy amaze me beyond words. What a miracle God has given us.  I try not to wish this pregnancy would hurry and pass because I love feeling Canon move in my tummy and like I said,  I am simply amazed with the entire process of baby growing.  I know there will be plenty of times when I will get on Canon's nerves when he grows up and I'm sure there will be times when I let him down but I hope he always knows how much he is wanted and loved. 

Anyway, here is a picture of us at 26 weeks.  Trent wouldn't let me put my hands on my hips so I look like a soldier standing at attention. 

Interesting Dr. Appt.

  Yesterday, I had a check up with Dr. G.  Everything looks good and just as I began to ask about how long I would be able to travel, she began to laugh.  Although, I haven't been able to go anywhere outside of Lake Charles for quite sometime, I figured in the next few weeks things would calm down and I would be on the go again... Guess I was wrong!  Dr. G didn't even let me finish my sentence and was already telling me, if I was going to have a baby shower, that my friends and family would have to come to me.  So, for the next three months, I will still just be sitting in LC.  I have friends and family lined up to come and stay, so it shouldn't be too bad.  I go back to Dr. G this coming Tuesday to have another FFN test ran to see if labor is eminent, which I don't think it is. If I get another negative then I am on a more lenient bed rest.  If it is positive, it looks like I may be laying in bed for the next few weeks-months.  I have appointments lined up for basically the next four weeks in a row, to see the specialist and have my glucose test, then back to Dr. G.  At least that breaks up the day a little bit. 

25 Weeks, 2 days

  Goal # 2 finally met.  It seems like it took forever and a day to get here but it's official, baby Canon is now viable.  Since he is such a big boy, we estimate that he is about 26 1/2 weeks as of now.  At  our last ultrasound I was 24 weeks 2 days and he measured 25 weeks 3 days. So he is about a week ahead still.  This makes me and his daddy very happy. 
  On a different subject, my in-law's came to visit this past weekend and we accomplished quite a bit. My husband wheeled me around a few different furniture stores, in hopes of finding a new mattress set and we were successful.  Our new king size mattress was delivered today and hopefully it will make my back feel much better since we opted to go with a firm one.  Our previous bed was a queen so we decided we needed room for when Canon wanted to sleep with mom and dad (LOL).  Saturday night we met with our friends at Steamboat Bill's and had boiled crab, which was delicious. 
  This coming weekend will be the 7th in a row that I have stayed in South La. and I am about to go bonkers.  Our entire family is in North La. but since that is 3 1/2 hours away I am restricted from going to visit right now.  Hopefully I will receive good news at the doctor tomorrow and can ateast get home for Thanksgiving!  If not, oh well, Canon is # 1 priority right now and from here on out. My mom and mother in law are coming back to visit in two weeks and we are going to go register for our sweet boy.  I can't believe that we are going into our third trimester in just two weeks.  Here we come!  I'll update soon and let you know how my appt. goes tomorrow.  Please keep the prayers coming! 

4-D ultrasound, 24 Weeks

My handsome boy!

Look at those sweet lips!

Our appt. went GREAT today!  Canon is in the 64th percentile and is averaging 1 pound, 12 ounces.  The average 24 weeker is a little over a pound so he is a chunky monkey. My cervix is still 3.7, which thrills me.  The Dr. doesn't think I will have preterm labor and so I am hoping to go all the way.  God has truly blessed us and we are over the moon in love with Canon.  I love watching Trent's face when we have ultrasounds because he is so proud of his boy.

24 Week Belly Pic

Here we are at 6 months!

I Just Have to Brag a Little!

My little sister Madison made homecoming court this year and I was so very proud of her.  She's not actually so "little" anymore, being that she is sixteen.  My dad has four daughters and I am by far the oldest.  Madison, like I said is sixteen, Bailey is thirteen, and Mabry is almost nine.  Anyway, I was supposed to go to North La to do Madison's hair and make up but obviously I was not able to travel almost four hours to do that.  I wanted to brag a little and leave you with a few pics of how beautiful she was.

Madison, Bailey, and Mabry

Madison, Dad, and my step mom Melanie

Madison and her friend Lauren

My precious papaw Delton.

Didn't she look amazing? I sure think so.  I am pretty partial though.  I wonder if Canon is going to have her beautiful blonde hair? All three of my sister's have beautiful eyes and hair, so we shall see...







Were pushing 24 Weeks!

Saturday, we will be 24 weeks.  The past few weeks had been kind of rough but we are so thrilled that our sweet boy is growing as he should.  We will go Monday and see exactly how big he has gotten and hopefully receive all great news.  The contractions have slowed down thank goodness and we know that the prayers are working.  We want to keep Canon in my tummy until he is full term and ready to make his entrance into the world.  He has us wrapped already!

We Passed the Test...

This past Friday night and then again Sunday night I had to go to labor and delivery because of these crazy contractions.  Between 7 pm and 8:10 pm I had fifteen that I had counted.  At this point I felt there was a problem.  So for at least the fifth time, Trent and I made our way to the hospital to check on Canon and see what in the world was going on.  I was told once again that it was probably another infection causing the contractions and also the fact that I have terrible tummy issues.  They got me all hooked up and sure enough they were picking up each contraction.  The Dr on call decided to run a Fetal Fibronectan test which is what I had done a few weeks ago that the specialist told me to throw out because I wasn't far enough along at the time.  This time we had it ran and waited patiently on results.  If it came back positive I was told I wouldn't leave the hospital, basically until we had Canon and that if it were positive there was a chance that he would be born in 10-14 days.  As you can imagine, we panicked.  In 14 days, I would only be a little over 25 weeks.  So, my questions began, what will you do to stop labor if need be and how will you  save my very small baby?  Although, she was trying to be confident and very sweet, the nurse seemed to scare  us even more.  So, Trent and I kept praying and asking God to give us and Canon the strength to get past this.  I know God won't give us more than we can handle, but at this point Trent and I were at a breaking point.  Not to mention that the monitor started dinging and the babies heart rate was all of the sudden unable to be heard.  I began screaming for nurses (who probably thought I was insane) and they came running.  They quickly got his heart beat on the monitor again and said he was just crooked in my tummy, which was causing the machine trouble reading it.  This was a huge sigh of relief.  A few moments later the nurse comes in an tells us that my test  was NEGATIVE.  Hallelujah, God heard our prayers. We were told that there was an extremely high false positive on this kind of test and so not to be surprised if it came back positive.  So, after all of the scares and heartache, we were sent home once again, with reassurance that Canon wouldn't make his entrance for at least another  two weeks.  We go back to the specialist Monday and are supposed to have the test ran again soon to see if we are still in the clear.  Thanks for all of the continued prayers.  We need them so much right now.  Trent jokes and says that Canon is not going to have any brother's and sister's because of all of the scares that he has put us through.  I now realize though what a blessing it will be to have at least one child to love and watch grow.  It just may be quite a while before we plan to have number 2, 3, and possibly 4.  Yes, we want a large family if possible.

Week 23 and a devastating few Days...

  According to "What to Expect When Your Expecting", Canon now weighs just over a pound and is around eleven inches long. He is now moving and distorting my tummy.  Trent and I love it.  He melts our heart.  We do miss Parker and Easton an awful lot and the closer Canon's arrival gets the more we miss them.  November 20th will be a year since I had them and that just blows me away. My boys have spent almost whole year in Heaven, what an amazing time I bet they have had but this Mama sure misses them.  Canon will never take their place but he will for sure fill an emptiness that we've been carrying for the past year.  It still blows me away that I have three boys.  They are all three loved more than words can say.

  This week has been a pretty difficult for Trent and I and has definitely been the most devastating days of some of our best friends lives.   This past Monday my dear friend gave birth to her son and was expecting to be home in just a few days from the hospital.  The baby needed surgery but from what we thought, it seemed pretty routine and he would be just fine.  Wednesday morning, there were complications and the baby didn't survive surgery.  I can't imagine their utter shock and disbelief because when I received word of what happened, I could hardly breathe. My situation was nothing like our  friends but to know that they had to feel the pain and torture of losing a child brought back a flood of emotions for Trent and I.  If you will please take a moment and pray for our dear friends.  I have talked about them before on there but for now I am not going to use their names.  They are strong believers and with God I know they will be able to move forward.  We are attending the memorial service tomorrow and I pray that everyone can rejoice for the birth and life of this beautiful little boy.  I know Easton and Parker will love having a new friend, although we wish all three of these precious boys could be here with us.

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14
 

Everything is Looking Up...

We were able to see the specialist today due to some scary pains I was having in my lower stomach and we got great news.  My cervix looks great and is not funneling or opening.  We will go back in two weeks and will be checked again.  I will keep taking the Procardia until my Dr thinks it is safe to stop, which could be a while.  The side effects have gotten less and less and the most that happens now is I become very hot and have trouble sleeping after I've taken a pill.  I can deal with that though.  My regular Dr did a Fetal Fibronectan test today but the specialist advised me not to take it to the  hospital to gets results because he said at this point in my pregnancy there is a high chance of a false positive.  The way this test works is to predict if labor is eminent in the next three weeks.  We agreed with him that if it did indeed come back positive that I may have a heart attack, so we took his advice and chunked it in the garbage.  Like I said, I will go back in two weeks and we will go from there.  Thanks for the prayers and kindness.  We have been on pins and needles to say the least.  I just want my baby to be healthy and full term.

It's Been a Bumpy Few Days

I have been in and out of labor and delivery this past week due to contractions and a bacterial infection.  Trent and I would really appreciate your prayers now more than ever. I have been put on Procardia to stop the contractions  and it seems to help some.  We got our appt with the specialist moved up to this coming Thursday so maybe we can see what's really going on.  I'll do my best to keep updates coming. We are now 22 weeks and pushing forward.  Our prayer is to make it full term but we must make it to 25 weeks for him to have a fighting chance at survival.  Canon is really on the move these days and Trent can now feel and see him move.  It's amazing!!!

20 week 3-D ultrasound

We tried to get him to stay face up for a while but he wasn't liking it.  This is the best we could get!



Isn't this so sweet?  We are so in love!



20 week belly pic

I do have some pictures of Canon from our 20 week appt. but I am at my in laws right now and the pics are at my house!  This pic of my tummy is all I have for now.  Canon is a growing boy, and so is his mommy!

20 weeks

20 weeks

   We are now 20 weeks and so happy to be moving forward.  Canon is a pretty busy little boy, which makes me happy because I feel him moving throughout the day.  Usually eating something sweet or cold gets him on the move.  Our sweet boy is quite the chub and always measures ahead.  We go back once again to the specialist this coming Monday and will have my cervix checked and also hopefully hear that my low placenta has moved up.  We think it probably has moved because our twenty week ultrasound with my regular doctor showed that it has moved up.....At least the nurse thought it had and we are hopeful that she was correct.  We are so blessed and can't wait for the day we meet our healthy little chubby boy.  We want him to stay put for a few more months before he decides to join our family though.  I'll keep you guys updated on how our appt. goes with the specialist next Monday.  Have a great weekend!

I have a few pictures to show you.  I'll try to get them up soon!

We Met our First Goal

We are now 19 weeks and moving full speed ahead.  At 19 weeks with the twins, which was also on a Saturday I was in the hospital, hours away from delivering Easton and Parker.  Thanks for all of the prayers. We have two appts. coming up and hopefully will receive great news. 

I've Got a Mover and Shaker in my belly...

   Yes, friends I am soo happy to be able to say that Canon is on the move in my tummy.  It makes my heart smile and I find my self thinking how in the world do I deserve this miracle growing in my stomach.  The past few days have worried me a tiny bit due to the fact that I have my third UTI infection.  I just finished an antibiotic two weeks ago and am now on yet another.  What is the deal? I know this is common during pregnancy but I had not trouble with this when I was pregnant with our twins.  I don't mind the pain but I do worry about taking antibiotics for the third time because I don't want my sweet boy to have complications because of something I did.  I know he will most likely be perfectly healthy but I guess my mommy instinct is kicking in.  Do you guy's mind doing me a favor?  Please pray that these medications do not affect Canon.  I have researched for at least two hours to make sure this will not hurt him but still I worry.  I do appreciate all of the sweet comments and prayers.  Canon has our heart and I just want him to get here healthy and happy.  We are six days away from when I delivered Easton and Parker.  My anxiety is actually getting better because I know in my heart that Canon will be just fine and healthy. 

Appt. with Specialist and 18 week update...

Our appt. with the specialist was amazing!  Canon is doing fabulous and growing like a weed.  He still measures ahead, so we are pretty sure we will have a January baby instead of February.  We are so blessed and give God all of the glory for our sweet boy.  Of course we still have small worries about the next few weeks.  We are only one week away from where we were when I had the twins. This makes my heart hurt and of course gives me slight anxiety.  I've never been more than five months pregnant so can't imagine actually making it to twenty weeks or twenty five weeks for that matter.  We were told that if we at least made it to thirty two weeks there would be a 100% survival rate.  Lord please let us make it to forty weeks although I feel at ease that he would be just fine if born a little earlier. My placenta is considered low lying right now which at first made me a little nervous but the Dr. explained that it would likely move up and cause no trouble.  If it were to stay where it is i would be diagnosed with Placenta Previa which would cause me to have a section.  I don't mind as long as Canon is ok.  Basically, the placenta covers the cervix and doesn't allow the baby to come out if you has Placenta Previa.  If he were to be born naturally there would be a problem with hemorrhaging so a c-section is the way to go.  Anyway, like I said, the Dr. thinks it will only get better as we go through the pregnancy and that it will not even be an issue.  He said it can only get better and higher up instead of lower, so we should be just fine.  That is our update for now.  We go back on September 22nd to have my cervix checked again but we think it will still be perfect.  I think we will see the specialist every three weeks from here on out.  This does keep my mind at ease I have to say.  I'll see my regular doctor again on the 14th , but this will just be a routine appt.  Thanks so much for keeping up with us! 

New Name

Our sweet boy now has a new name.  I have had trouble calling Harper, Parker and that made me sad.  Trent and I decided that Harper sounded too much like Parker and also we weren't as fond of Harper as we were a while back.  So, our boys new name is Canon.  We aren't sure of a middle name yet or if Canon will be the first or middle name but it is what he will go by.  We love it.  I go back to the specialist, next Thursday, the 1st and we are praying for good news!  Please keep the prayers coming.

Going on 17 Weeks!

  Trent and I made it back from Gulf Shores and had a blast.  I have to say I was ready to get home toward the end due to my feet swelling and sharp pains in the side of my tummy (which I think was due to riding  so much and being up on my feet for hours at a time).  Trent and I went with his parents, his grandmother, and his aunt and uncle for a few days.  The temperature was perfect, with the highs only around 90 each day.  Needless to say when we crossed back in to Louisiana we could tell due to the stifling temps.  I have a few pictures but they won't upload at the moment.  I will try to get those up soon.  

   I think I forgot to mention that U had my appt. with the specialist moved up to Sept. 1st instead of the 12th.  It was really bothering me that I wouldn't see the doctor again until after the point when my water broke with the twins, so I called and expressed my concern and sure enough they moved me up.  I was supposed to see him in three weeks instead of four anyway but due to the office being closed they couldn't get me in when the doctor wanted to see me.  After calling and telling them my worries they moved me up a whole twelve days.  I am relieved to say the least.  As of now I have gained five pounds and my doctor say's I am right on target.  I look a lot larger though.  I am glad to say that there is nothing too interesting going on in our lives right now but I will keep you updated!  Like always thanks for the prayers!

15 weeks 2 days ultrasound pics

Boy Stuff

His little hands

Profile shot

My appt. with the specialist went very well today.  We will see him again in four weeks and make sure my cervix is doing well.  We were told we had the next to the worst type of twin pregnancy since Easton and Parker shared a placenta and our chances of losing this baby are very slim. Praise be to God.  Harper measures a few days ahead and this makes us very happy.  We don't mind a fat baby. We would rather him be large than small.  Please keep the prayers coming.  As we near twenty weeks I know we will be slightly nervous.  I'll keep the updates coming thanks so much for the encouragement and kind thoughts.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Hebrews 11:1

New pic...

Kacie, Sunny, Me, and baby at 13 weeks

15 Weeks

Tomorrow we are 15 weeks and moving right ahead!  Things are going well ever since our ER visit.  Thanks for all the prayers! I will be going to the specialist Monday and my regular dr. Wednesday and will for sure let you know how things are going after our appts.  Thanks for following us on this journey.  I never thought I would have fifty one followers. It makes me happy that I can tell you all about Easton Parker and our new baby boy.  I'll try to add some pics soon....

ER Visit and some Unsuspected News!

   Last night, Trent and I made our first and hopefully last trip to the E.R. Starting around 2:00 p.m. yesterday I was having sharp pains down the right side of my stomach.  The pain only got worse and was to the point of taking my breathe away.  At 10:30 last night we decided it was time to call the doctor.  She immediately told me to come to the ER and have an ultrasound.  Around 12:00 a.m. we had our ultrasound, which showed my cervix was perfectly normal and our baby was doing great, with a heartbeat of 160.  Since Dr. G was worried that I could possibly need a cerclage, she wanted the baby to have a full anatomy scan to be sure there were no issues that would cause him/her to be incompatible with life.  As the scan began, we saw our baby's brain, heart, kidney's, arms, legs, spine, etc.  It seemed to be doing just wonderful.  I had no clue nor was I even concerned with the gender of our baby because I just wanted it to be healthy.  Although, like I said before, my entire family, myself included were convinced we were having a girl.  As the ultrasound continued, I heard here's the leg and the femur and......That's when she pointed to the screen and it was clear, that we were having our third little boy.  Harper Trenton it is.  We are so excited and have now decided that I obviously am not a good guesser.  Baby Harper has our heart's already and we are smitten with him just as we were with Easton and Parker.  Please keep Harper in your prayer's and pray that I have no reason to visit the ER again.  I do have an ultrasound pic from twelve weeks and one from last night at 13 1/2 weeks that I will upload soon. 
     I am so happy for Trent.  His eyes filled with tears as we were told we were having another baby boy and I know that Easton and Parker weren't far from his mind.  I look forward to watching Harper grow and know that we will see a little of both of his brother's in him... I pray that God will keep him safe until he is in our arm's...

13 Weeks and a few pics...

  Here are a few pics that I took at twelve weeks.  Yes, I know I am growing very fast with this baby but the doctor says it is very normal because of muscle memory.  Only two more weeks until we find out what the specialist has to say and possibly find out what were having.  We are so excited and amazed by the miracle of pregnancy.  I would have cherished and loved Easton and Parker with my entire being but after losing them I realize how quickly things can change.  Trent and I are so in love with our little one already and are so appreciative to God for our miracle. I can't believe I am going to be a mother of three.  Did I tell you our names yet?  I can't remember if I did but our girl's name is Maryn Georgia and our boy name is Harper Trenton.  We would call a little girl Georgia.  Mary is my grandmother's name and Georgia is Trent's grandmother's name so we decided to name a little girl after them.  Of course Harper Trenton would be named after his daddy, Trent.

12 weeks!



12 weeks 2 days

  Baby is still doing well. I had some pics to upload from the ultrasound but I am at a friend's house and I forget them at my house.  I am for sure starting to show now and at night my stomach swells so big that I am sure I look four months pregnant.  I have only gained three pounds so I am not sure why I am growing so quickly.  I will try soon to update the ultrasound pics of our sweet baby and I have a few tummy shot's also. This pregnancy seems to be flying by which makes me very happy but to think I have 27 weeks left to make it to 40 weeks is kind of nerve wracking. I am sure this pregnancy will be just fine and I know the specialist will prove this to us on the 15th.  Please keep the prayers coming, we greatly appreciate them!

11 Weeks, 6 Days...

   Our appointment went very well today and we are thrilled.  Baby McCoy was so wiggly that it was hard to get its heartbeat but when we did it was a healthy 170.  All seems to be well with him/her.  We will see a specialist on August 15th and he will be looking for signs of preterm labor and thinning of the cervix. If this happens then I will immediately have a cerclage done and will most likely take shots until at least 31 weeks to hold off labor.  Please keep us in your prayers and pray that we only receive good news.  We want to go with Trent's family to Gulf Shores mid August but we have our appointment scheduled for three days before we leave to make sure that it will be safe for me to go.  If we can't, no big deal because obviously the well being of our baby comes first, but it would be a great time. Thanks to everyone who has been praying.  We truly appreciate all of the thoughts.  I will let you know how we keep progressing.

First Pic of Our Sweet Love # 3

Here is a picture of our sweet one at 7 weeks...I'm a little behind!

11 weeks!

   Saturday I will be 11 weeks along with our little one.  Everything is going great.  I am still sick pretty much all day everyday but I know that must mean everything is going smoothly.  My entire family and all of my friends including Trent and I, still think this sweet love is a girl.  Although, I thought Easton and Parker would be girls too and they definitely weren't so my guesser may be a little off.  Either way we are thrilled.  My tummy is growing much quicker this time which I'm thinking means I may gain weight a lot faster with this one.  With the twins, I didn't gain a pound until my 14th week but according to my friends scales I have put on a few already.  I have had some sort of growing pains that I thought were a urinary tract infection but the doctor says there is no infection and she thinks I am just growing really quick because of muscle memory from when I was pregnant with the twins.  In the mornings I don't seem to be showing but by evening I look four months pregnant.  My food seems to have no where to go and I am constantly hungry.  Trent laughs at how much I can eat because every hour I say I am wanting another snack.  If things keep going as they are I may need to be on a diet before the third trimester.  I will try to update again soon but right now I am going to eat some chocolate chip cookies!

Pet PEEVES!

   I don't know about you guys but one of my biggest pet peeves is to hear a pregnant person with a perfectly healthy baby boy/girl on the way to gripe about what gender their new baby is.  So, here's a story for all of you that I'm sure will have you thinking the exact same thing that I was as I sat in the doctor's office with my sweet friend the other day.  

   I went with one of my friends to the baby doctor for her 25 check up last week.  While sitting in the doctor's office a young girl comes out from the back with ultrasound pictures in hand.  As she took her seat to wait for the second part of her appt. she began to cry.  We obviously all thought something was terribly wrong as she picked up the phone to make one of three phone calls as she sat, while all the expecting mother's listened to her conversation.  Although it wasn't our business, we couldn't help but hear that everyone she called, the first thing she said was, "you are not going to be happy just like everyone else because we are not having a boy, it's a girl".  I almost threw up in my chair.  How, at such a joyous time could you sit in a waiting room full of people and cry about your unborn babies gender.  As she called the third person I heard her say "Yes, it's healthy but it's not a boy". Then her boyfriend/baby's daddy sits down and she ask's him is he really ok with a girl and his response was, "It's not what I wanted but I guess we can't always get what we want".  At this point every beside me was furious to say the least.  Little did she know, that me, a mother expecting twins, gave birth to not one but two dead children less than a year ago.  My sweet friend that I mentioned who was beside me... Well she suffered two terrible miscarriages and now has special needs twins that are precious that she has since adopted.  On the other side of my friend, a young lady expecting her first daughter, and at 25 weeks along, she hadn't felt her move in three days.  She was there for an ultrasound to see if her daughter was still alive.  So, plenty of people were affected by this selfish girl's gripes of having a little girl.  I don't know about other people but I would give my right arm and leg for a healthy girl, or boy for that matter.  After losing my twins I can't imagine anything better than the thought of a little girl.  We could care less.  I wanted to say, until you've gone to pick out caskets for your child and had to pick out what they would be buried in, then I don't want to hear you gripe about having a girl.  Sure, we all have thoughts was what gender baby would fit best in our family and I'll tell you I have even said it would be so neat to have a girl since we had two boys etc. but I will NEVER cry even if I end of with five girls or five boys.  I'll get what I get, in case some are unaware, you really can't choose the sex of your baby....I'm just saying.

Random thoughts!

  This week has gone by pretty fast to me!  Saturday will mark nine weeks and I am so glad to be close to the end of the first trimester.  Although, I am not sure if the morning/ day/ night sickness will ever leave.  Please don't take this as complaining because I am so very thankful for this pregnancy but this nausea and vomiting is doing a job on me.  It's always way worse at night for some reason.  Right when my head hits the pillow my body besides it's time to throw up again.  It's kind of bizarre.  I don't know if it's because I am laying flat and maybe that could be the problem or what.  One good thing about being sick, if there is a good thing is that I know my baby is growing strong.  My doctor told me last time that the more I throw up the better.  While I thought she was nuts I was throwing up 15-20 times a day so in my mind my babies should have been extra healthy/strong.  This pregnancy brings a lot more constant nausea than vomiting so I don't know if that's the difference in twins or if this one is possibly a girl.  My thoughts are on girl...I think.  Although I feel like my odds are better to have a boy, since I've already had two.  As long as this boy/girl is healthy I don't care what it is.  We have decided on names already and I can't wait to see what our sweet baby will be, to put a name with the face.  I can't begin to imagine what he/she will look like because Easton and Parker were polar opposites.  Parker looked so much like Trent and Easton had my features.  Their noses, mouths, cheeks, eye brows, toes etc. were so different from each other.  So, my thought is will this baby look like Easton or Parker or maybe nothing like either of them.  I know, I know I have so many thoughts about random things.

Dr.'s Appt.

   So sorry for taking so long to update!  My doctors appt went GREAT.  We had a scare a few days before due to some spotting so we were on pins an needles waiting for the ultrasound.  We found out that we are only having one McCoy baby and that is OK with us.  Twins would be nice but a lot more scary for us.  The heart beat was 141 and Dr. G says this is a great sign.  Thanks for all of the prayers!  Please keep them coming.  We go back on July 20th and can't wait to see and hear our sweet baby's hear again.  Most of my friends and family, including Trent kind of think this one may be a little girl!  What do you think?  We are going on nine weeks now and I am so ready to get out of the first trimester!  I'll try to do better to keep you updated!  God continues to bless us and we are so greatful!

7 Weeks!

     I am officially seven weeks along... I go back to the doctor on Wednesday and can't wait.  I am pretty sure things are moving right along, due to the fact that I throw up all night long and every morning.  It's kind of bizarre how sick I am at night.  With the twins I was sick 24/7 so throwing up 20+ times a day was nothing, but this time the nights are worse for me. I am not complaining because I know our little one is doing GREAT and all of this sickness will be worth it in the end.  I would say it was worth it now if you asked.  After losing Easton and Parker I decided that the next pregnancy (no matter how bad) I would enjoy and Praise God every day for another day with my love growing in my belly.  I have had breakfast three times this morning, or I guess you would call it supper-breakfast.  I had a baked potato and ice cream at 11:30 last night, peppermints at 4:45 this morning, followed by yogurt at 5:45 and toast at 8:00 this morning.  Yes, that's how often I have to eat to keep from hanging over the toilet all night! It makes me laugh when I think about it because I will be HUGE at the end of this pregnancy.  Oh well, I'll do what I have to do.
     On to a better note, I am heading to Monroe with my mom and BF Lindsay to have pedicures and lunch today.  I am so excited.  It doesn't take much to excite me!  I don't see Lindsay but once every 3-6 months so I am always glad for time with her and always up for a pedicure.  I better get going!  Have a good weekend and week!  I'll let you know how my appt. goes next week!  Thanks for the prayers...
  

Hi Friends!

   We go back to the doctor next Wednesday, the 22nd.  We are excited and can't wait to find out if we are for sure having one or two.  Please keep us in your prayers as we move along in this pregnancy.  We think this pregnancy will result in a happy, healthy baby or babies and can't wait to meet our little one(s).  I don't really have any interesting news for you today but hopefully we will soon.  Thanks again for the prayers!

Twins Again? Maybe...

   After going to have blood work yesterday, my doctor told me that she would do an ultrasound today if my HCG was at least 3500.  She doubted it would be, since it was only 400 on Monday.  If my levels doubled since Monday, it would still only be around 800 or possibly around a 1,000.  Low and behold, it had definitely doubled...Even quadrupled.  Today I got the results back and it was 12,075.  The nurse called and wanted me in immediately for an ultrasound, because obviously, twins were expected.  We only saw one sac today but this is exactly what happened with Easton and Parker.  There was only one baby we were told and then VOILA, at six weeks, there were two.  We don't really know what to think and are stunned to say the least but we will see. We pray that if there are two, that they are healthy and if there is only one that it is just as healthy.  Please continue to pray for us, as we are terrified and excited at the same time.  I'll keep you guys updated.

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”  Matthew 19:26

Were moving right along!

  I had my second doctors appt. today...Well actually the rest of my first appt.  Now that I am "REALLY" pregnant I got to have the rest of my blood work and a few more tests ran.  My blood from last week looked good and we are giving God all the glory that this pregnancy has already started off WAY smoother than my pregnancy with the twins.  The nurses (all three that I have talked to) say they believe it's only one baby this time. That would be great but two would be wonderful also.  I go back on June 22nd for an ultrasound to see for sure.  As for now please keep us in your prayers.  Everything is going smoothly and we pray that it will continue to be an uneventful pregnancy.  My prayers are to make it full term with this sweet one, so we will see.  When I hit 40 weeks I may be wishing other wise!   My goal is to not complain this pregnancy!  I  am thankful for everyday I get to spend with my little one in my tummy~ Thanks again for the prayers.  Please keep them coming!

Our Family is Growing.....Once again!

And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. 1 Peter 5:10

 Hi friends...How is everyone doing?  Trent and I have had alot going on lately and have had a few changes in our little family.  God blesses us always and we are forever in debt to Him.  On May 28th, our lives were once again changed for the better.  Just six months after losing our precious, Easton and Parker, we found out that we were once again on the journey to becoming parents.  Trent and I are now expecting baby number three!  We can't express enough how greatful we are for all of the prayers and thoughts over the past few months.  We know without God, we would not have this bundle, or bundles on the way.  Let me tell you how things began to change over the past few weeks...
   While we were at church a few weeks ago, my sister in laws mother, (who I am pretty close to) told me that she had a strange feeling that I was pregnant.  I thought, hmm, that would be GREAT but I am doubtful.  I should have known not to doubt God.  So, the days passed by and I realized, that there was a chance that I was expecting but still didn't believe it.  As many of you know, I had terrible trouble with the twins from the beginning and so the thought of a normal pregnancy blew me away.  I never thought I would be the person who would have a pregnancy, free of bleeding from the beginning, was that even possible?  So as the days past, my mom tried to persuade me to take a pregnancy test.  I blew her off  and kept going along with my business until last Saturday, May 28th.  While my mom and I were in Monroe, celebrating my birthday, I decided to take a test...We went to Target, bought a test and I went in the bathroom to take it.  I know, I know this is not the way most people do it but I was merely trying to prove my mom wrong.  I went in the stall and she stood patiently outside, and immediately, I began to see those two pink lines.  I shouted "Mom, I think it say's yes".  A lady who was waiting on her little girl to use the restroom, asked, is she pregnant?  I brought my test out and she said, "let me see it, yes, you are for sure pregnant".  It was quite the spectacle.  I wanted to surprise Trent this time, since with the twins, the doctor called and told me I was pregnant and I ran straight to Trent's office and told him.  I promised myself that this time I would give him a better surprise.  Mom and I went to Dillard's and got the sweetest little croched baby booties and then went back to Winnsboro.  This kind of cut into our day, since we were supposed to be getting pedicures but oh well this was way more important.  I rushed back to the camp where he and his family were working and thought I would surprise him big time.  Well, things never go as I plan.  I jumped out of the car and at the same time , he and his family were loading up in their cars to leave.  So, the plan had to change.  I grabbed the pregnancy test, jumped out of the car and ran up to him.  He knew something was going on because I pulled him away from everyone.  I popped out the test and he just stood speechless.  He knew there was a chance that I was pregnant but he was still surprised. I was proud of my self.  So, now to let you in on the horrific first doctor's appt. I had to wait until Tuesday to call Dr. G because of Memorial Day, so that's exactly what I did.  I called first thing Tuesday morning and they told me to come in Wednesday and have blood work etc.  So after getting to my appt. at 3:00 on Wednesday and waiting an hour and half, they called me back to do a urine sample.  I did this, just like all the times before with the twins, but this time was different.  They then put me in a little room to wait on the nurse, and it wasn't two minutes and she was knocking on the door, and bearing some gut wrenching news.  "You are not pregnant" she said.  Your urine sample came back negative.  As you can imagine, I began to ball.  I was sick.  So, needless to say my appt. ended right there and I was told to go to the lab and have blood work, just in case.  I drove frantically to the lab about to vomit the entire time. I was told that I would have results that same day but that wasn't the case.  I had to wait until Thursday to find out what was going on.  At 8:45 on Thursday morning, my phone rang and I was greeted by the same nurse, only this time telling me, "You are pregnant".  My emotions were running wild.  So I now go back this coming week for my "real" appt. The nurse told me that this had happened to three different people that same day and that she had to call us all and tell us that we were indeed pregnant.  They are now changing the type of pregnancy tests that they use.  Good thing, glad I could be their guiney pig...So after all of the frustration and anxiety my blood work came back perfect and we are now ready for our ultrasound which will probably be in a week or so.  I told the nurse that I wanted one asap to see if I was having twins again but she said my bloodwork was indicative of one baby (that's what they told me last time also) so we will see soon enough.  Please keep us in your prayers as we begin this roller coaster ride once again with Easton and Parker always on our minds.  We were going to wait to tell in case we encountered problems but we decided that part of having faith was believing that this pregnancy would be problem free.  We know it will be perfect.  God wants us to be happy an have the desires of of heart and that's just what he's given us.  I can't imagine going down this journey with anyone other than Trent.  He is the love of my life and the best father I could ever imagine.  Together, and with God by our sides, we know our precious baby will be HEALTHY, HAPPY, and love Christ just as we do...I'll keep you all updated on our progress. Thanks for reading.  I am still praying for all of you out there who long to be mother's.  You are never far from my mind...