Thursday, April 14, 2011

146 days...

146 days, that's how long it's been since..........

-I sat in a hospital room hoping and praying to make it to Houston on Monday, November 22nd to have the vessels fused between Easton and Parker, begging God to save my babies.

-I sat researching this experimental  procedure that would be performed, if the doctors could make a tiny incision in my amniotic sac without rupturing it.

-I prayed that although this was VERY experimental and had only been done successfully a few hundred times, that I would be added to that number of successful cases.

-I felt Easton kicking me in my right rib, wondering how his little feet could possibly be so strong.

-I laid in bed rubbing my not so small tummy and talking to my sweet boys....AKA "Mama's babies".

-I stood in horror as I realized my water had broken and that my babies would not live.

-I saw the most terrible look on my husband's face as he rounded the bathroom corner and screamed in horror as he realized this was the end as we knew it.

-I laid in the hospital bed screaming out for a Dr. as the six nurses kept reassuring me that Dr. G. would be to the hospital shortly.

-I had the strongest urge to push but the nurses kept telling me I had to wait, for fear that I may need surgery if "this" didn't go as planned.

-I wondered how I would birth these babies, knowing that for five months I was told I would need a section.

-My husband cradled me and said "It's just you and me now".

-I held the most beautiful babies in the world and rocked them as I sang lullabies to them.

-I sat in the bed as my Dr. and family cradled me in tears.

-Since, Trent sat in a rocking chair, rocking our boys in tears as he said "I'll always be one proud Papa."  "We did good baby, we made the most beautiful children."

-Sat in shock as I was wheeled down that hallway to my car without my children.

- SINCE, I realized, that I no longer had children.....

"Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief."
 Proverbs 14:13

For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16
Easton Craig

Easton Craig

Benjamin Parker

both of my boys!


1 comment:

  1. Betsy and Trent: my heart keeps crying for all of you! I wish there was something/anything that could help ease the hurt and erase the sadness! I know you will always love those babies; I just wish that healing would hurry....