Heart Broken...

     But Jesus called them to him, saying, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.     Luke 18:16  

   I'm not sure how to convey our exact feelings, or describe how terrible November 20th was, but I will do my best.  I have been praying about how to put this into words without terrifying everyone who reads this post.  If you feel like you don't want to read any further, I completely understand.  I just wanted to let you know that, in case I go in to more details than you would like because it was awful and still disturbs me after two months.  Thanks to everyone who has read.  I am going to keep updating our blog and so I hope you will continue to follow.  Our hopes are to have another baby or babies on the way soon, and I would love to share them with you also.

  After my appointment with Doctor S. everything began to go down hill.  My last appointment was on Monday November 15th and I was scheduled to see him again on the 22nd.  On Tuesday, the day after my appointment, I began to have spotting.  I decided to wait until Wednesday to call the Doctor because I didn't want them to think I was just a worry wart.  On Wednesday the spotting had worsened and I was convinced there was a problem.  I called Doctor G. and she told me that this was most likely normal since I had had a vaginal ultrasound on Monday.  She assured me that my cervix was checked and completely closed and that the blood was probably from being pushed on so much.  I agreed, and decided that she knew best.  After all,  Doctor S. thought I was beginning to dilate on Monday, therefore he pushed around a pretty good bit to make sure things were okay.  He decided that I wasn't dilating, but that my uterus was just shaped oddly, and so this made it look as if it were.  I decided I would wait until Friday and if the spotting hadn't stopped I would go and have things checked out.  Friday came and the bleeding had gotten worse.  At this point, the bleeding wasn't the only problem.  I had been in excruciating back pain for a week now.  Little did I know, I was having back labor.  Trent was having to sleep in the extra bed room because of me getting up and down so much.  I was sitting up all night long and taking warm baths, with hopes that the pain would stop.  This was the first time that I even considered taking Tylenol for the pain.  Every four hours without fail, I was having to take extra strength Tylenol.  Once again, I thought the pain was from having gained so much weight in my stomach.  On Friday morning,  I decided call Trent to see if I should go be checked or wait it out a little longer.  He told me to to whatever made me comfortable and if that was going to the ER then I needed to go.  I then called my mom and mother in law and asked their opinions.  I didn't want to seem like a hypochondriac so I decided it was better to get more advice on the matter.  Both mom and Bren said that they thought I should have things checked if it worried me.  We all knew the bleeding couldn't be normal.  So, at 10:00 on Friday the 19th I went to the hospital and was admitted to labor and delivery.  If I wouldn't have been right at twenty weeks I would have just been sent to he ER and things could have been, in my opinion way worse.  As I got to a room, Doctor G. came and checked my cervix and said that it was completely closed.  She said she still thought the bleeding was from the ultrasound Monday but they would send me for an ultrasound anyway.  She was just going to check the fluid between the babies because we all knew that on Monday morning we would most likely be on our way to Houston to have surgery.  Doctor G. ordered an ultra sound for me and the specialist's technician came to perform it.  At this point I was alone because Trent wasn't able to leave work unless there was a problem and I told my mom and Bren to wait to come until we had results.  In my heart, I knew there was trouble.  As the ultrasound started, I noticed that Parker wasn't moving very much, if at all.  I was immediatly alarmed.  "What is wrong with baby "B", I asked.  She just gave me a puzzled look and said, " This is very bad, I have to get Doctor G.  Before she ran out the door, I shouted, "What's wrong with my baby?"  She then told me that both babies had heart beats but that Parker (baby b) had such a shortage of fluid that he couldnt move very much.  Therefore, it looked like he was sleeping, or even worse, not alive.  Easton (baby a) was moving but not very much.  As soon as the technician ran out the door, I called Trent and told him to get to the hospital asap.  Something was wrong with our babies.  I called our mother's also and they were on stand by and waiting to hear what Doctor G. said before they headed to Lake Charles.  Doctor G. came and told me that there was a large difference in the boys fluid in just four days and that I would be admitted to the hospital until Monday morning when Doctor S. would see me at 10:00 a.m.  Still the nurses assured me that the boys would be okay until then.  Let me say, I don't hold anything against them, how could they have known what what happen?  As crazy as this sounds, this was my first time to ever be in the hospital, well that I remembered.  I was hospitalized when I was two for Salmonella but that had been twenty two years ago.  So needless to say, I was on pins and needles.  Trent got to the hospital within ten minutes and was by my side.  He was great through the entire process.  I couldn't have ask for a better husband.  Even the nurses bragged on him.  By the time that he got there, my mom called and said she was on her way. 
    To go back a few days earlier, Trent was supposed to be going to Winnsboro to duck hunt with his friend Kyle.  Kyle was coming in from Stuttgart and was already half way to Winnsboro when I got admitted.  Trent was between a rock and a hard spot because he didn't want to leave me, but also didn't want to abandon Kyle.  He decided to stay with me just in time for Doctor G. to enter the room.  She and the nurses all urged him to go hunt and let my mom stay with me.  One of the nurses exact words was "go hunt or we will be highly ticked".  So it was obvious they though I would be just fine.  They told us I was basically being babysat so that I would stay in the bed.  The only other thing that would be done was giving me around the clock fluid in order to try to get Parker out of trouble.  Doctor G. warned me that this may not work and we were still facing sugery on Monday.  Mom got to the hospital around 4:00 p.m. and Trent decided that he would go home and hunt Saturday morning and come right back.  I was fine with that because the nurses told me that husbands tend to drive them crazy worrying and so it would be best if he left for a little while.  I agreed. 
     That night, mom and I visited and stayed up all night because I was in tears because of the pain.  I also have to mention that mom couldn't seem to stay on the chair/bed and fell numerous times.  One of the maybe two times that I was on the verge of sleep, I heard her bed collapse and her hit the floor.  I thought I would pee on myself from laughing so hard.  So, needless to say we didn't sleep a wink.  Saturday the pain had worsened and I called Trent to see when he would be back.  He told me he was getting to me as quick as possible.  I didn't tell him how bad the pain was because I didnt want to panic him.  He tends to worry about me a little too much and I didn't want to freak him out.  For example, he worries about me going to Wal-Mart alone in Lake Charles, so he always goes with me.  It's really very sweet.  Anyway the nurses told me I could get a shower but then had to get right back in bed.  After showering, I put on my tennis shoes because I told mom I had to walk or my back was going to break.  That idea was shut down when the nurses called Doctor G. and she told them to get me back in the bed.  I wasn't very happy.  In order to keep me still and in bed, mom went to the store and bought a bag full of goodies and magazines to keep me busy.  I appreciated that although it didn't help the pain. 
     Trent got back around 7:00 that evening and mom decided to head home.  She had to get her things packed so that she and Trent's parents could head to Houston with us on Monday morning.  I'll never forget the nurses coming in and listening to the babies heart beats for the last time.  Both of the boys had heartbeats of 170-180 and were kicking up a storm.  Each time that a nurse changed shifts , the new one would come listen to the boys heartbeats.  This always helped calm my nerves.  Trent walked in the door just as the nurse finished listening and we never got the chance to hear our sweet babies beating hearts again.  To rewind a little bit, I had been having stomach trouble all day, and thought I was just constipated.  I was given laxatives and they seemed to help a little.  Right as Trent got back to the hospital, I told the nurse that there was a problem.  I had my mom running back and forth to the nurses station every time I needed something, so she wasn't their favorite person.  She sure helped me though.  The last time I made her go get them was when Trent was walking in the door.  I told mom that I thought I was having contractions and needed to be checked.  The nurse brought the monitor and put it on my stomach and indeed I was contracting.  I was given a shot to stop the contractions.  The monitor was then taken off.  The nurse said she thought the contractions were over and that my stomach trouble was what caused them in the first place.  I was tired of disagreeing with them and I shut up.  Mom left shortly after and everything began to crumble.        
     We were both exhausted, Trent from getting up to hunt at 4:00 a.m. and me from not sleeping in days.  He decided to try to go to sleep early although, he couldn't rest very well because every time that I had to get up to use the rest room he had to unplug my IV from the wall.  That happened about every thirty minutes, due to the fact  that I was being pumped full of fluid and the babies being on my bladder.  The last time I decided to get up and use the rest room was around 11:00 p.m. I decided to try to unplug my self and let Trent sleep.  I made my way to the restroom and my phone rang.  As I sat down I answerd the phone.  It was my mom telling me that she was walking in the door and was about to go to sleep.  I talked to her for a few minutes and told her that I thought there was a problem because I was bleeding heavier and that I was about to call the nurse.  As I hung up the phone with her and layed it on the sink, the unthinkable happened.  Our world came crashing down.  As I stood up, my water broke.  It wasn't like a normal persons water breaking .  Doctor G. told me that if my water were to break it would be a steady trickle down my leg.  Let me tell you.  This was not the case.  As I began to scream at the top of my lungs I heard Trent fall out of the bed and saw him round the corner.  I have never seen such devastaion in a perons eyes in my life.  As we both stood there knowing, that our boys were gone. 
     Because of the amount of fluid I had been given in the last 24 hours it caused my water to break like what I would imagine when I think of a dam breaking.  I have never seen so much water in my life.  Trent screamed and said what's happening.  All I could say was, get the nurse my water just broke.  As he ran down the hall I could hear him screaming with desparation for help.  This was the point when atlest six nurses came flying through the door.  Trent picked me up and got me to the bed, while we waited on Doctor G. to come deliver our boys.  I can't remember everything, but I do remember Trent saying over and over.  "It's just me and you now and we have to be strong".  I remember him laying me back on the bed and the nurses telling me not to push until the Doctor arrived so that I wouldn't hemorage.  This was scary beyond words.  I will never forget how badly my body was convulsing due to me being in shock.  Trent was so scared because he said my eyes began to roll back in my head and he was scared of losing me too.   I have never screamed so loudly in my life.  I just knew I wouldn't survive the heart break and as bad as I was hurting, Trent was standing there being so strong for me and that broke my heart.  He was unbelievable and never left my side.  Always encouraging me and letting me know that we would make it.  Although, that was the firs time in my life when I remember telling Trent, that I didn't want to live.  This scared him even more.  Not that I was suicidal, but I would have given my life for Easton and Parker and at that point I wanted nothing more than for them to live.

   We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;  2 Corinthians 4:8-9

  *  I can't go in to detail any more today.  I didn't quite realize how difficult this would be.  I will finish the story as soon as I can.  I want to share with you more about our sweet boy's and what they looked like, and the time we got to spend with them the following day.  Hopefully I can do this in the next few days.  Until then, I will leave you with the sweetest picture; my favorite picture.

Easton Craig & Benjamin Parker Mccoy

Trying to find the words...

My last picture with my boys...

   I'm trying to find the words to let you in on the rest of our story.  It may be a few days before I figure out how to share it with everyone.  Like I've said before, I wish I had a memory pill to forget that night.  It is now burned in our memory.  Thanks so much for reading up until now.  I'm so glad I've been an inspiration to a few of you.  I hope that you will continue to read.  I'll be back in a few days.  

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."  Psalm 34:18

Worst News of Our Lives

"fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me."  Psalm 23:4

     November 15th was my last appointment with Dr. S before I had our baby boys.  Our worst fears would come true this day and we would forever be changed.  Like always, Trent and I layed our hands on our babies and prayed before the Doctor entered the room.  It always seemed to help calm our nerves but on this day, there was no amount of comforting that could have helped.  We began the ultrasound with the technician just like we normally did and then she handed us over to Doctor S. for him to begin.  Today the fluid difference between the boys was at a dangerous level.  Easton (baby "A") had 9 mm. of fluid, and Parker (baby "B") had only 6mm.  Something had to be done.  The problem with Twin to Twin Transfusion is that one baby will receive too much fluid; therefore, getting too large and the other baby will not receive enough.  This places both babies in danger.  Doctor S. said we would know when the situation got bad enough because we would not be able to see the smaller baby’s kidneys.  The reason the kidney's cannot be seen is because the amniotic fluid consists of the babies urine and when the fluid gets too low, you then know the kidneys are beginning to fail, because the lack or urine being made.  Doctor S. could barely see Parker's kidneys at this appointment, and Trent and I began to panic because we knew there was a large possibility that we may lose one, if not both of the babies.  This is when Trent and I both began asking what we could do to save our boys.  Doctor S. said he would now see me weekly and if the levels weren't better by the next Monday, we would be sent to Houston.  The reason for sending us to Houston would be to fuse the vessels between the babies, in order to give them each their own blood supply, with hopes to save them.  It was a very risky procedure for both me and the babies, therefore Trent and I were terrified.  The risks included, possible preterm labor, which meant I would lose the babies, rupturing of the sac, and even a chance that if I began to hemorrhage that I would lose my babies and my uterus both.  If this happened I would not be able to have any more children.  So you can imagine how sick we were.  The hospital in Houston wouldn't even see me until I was twenty weeks, so we had one more week to wait.  We were then told that if the fluid levels were not at least detrimental to one baby then we may have to hold off on the procedure.  This infuriated Trent and I both.  To sit and listen to a Doctor tell you that your baby has to be at the point of possible heart failure before they will fix them is sickening.  Their reasoning is that at least you will have one baby to take home and they can't risk one baby’s life to save another.  They said their goal was to save both babies but unless it was absolutely necessary to do this procedure they would hold off.  It could be a week wait or a few weeks.  If Parker, (the baby that was losing fluid) still had descent function of his organs, then the procedure would be held off until they knew he wouldn’t' survive without the procedure.  I wanted to scream.  I told them that my goal was to save both of my babies.  Don't get me wrong, I didn't want to risk one baby to save another, but I also didn't want to watch my babies organs fail before he could get help.  My babies came as a package deal and I wanted them both, healthy and happy.  I'll never forget Doctor S. telling us, that even if we lost one baby, at least we had another and this is what all of the Houston Doctor's would say too.  Let me tell you in the nicest, most respectful way possible.  Do not say this to a mother, who is risking losing one of her children.  One child can't replace the other.  I felt as if he wanted Trent and I to say, oh okay, you’re right, at least we will still be parents.  When I first became pregnant, I will tell you, I would have been the first to say that I didn't want twins.  I just thought I would never have the patience to deal with two little rug rats at the same time.  I was so wrong.  I now wanted twins more than ever.  These babies were mine and Trent's future and our world.  We would have given our lives for them and still would if given the chance.  Our next appointment was supposed to be on November 22nd, but we wouldn't make that appointment because on the 22nd, my babies would no longer be in my tummy.  They would be with Jesus.

Matthew 18:14   "So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish."

16 weeks- 4 months!



Boy Stuff!




beautiful baby boy!



I'lll never forget holding this tiny, precious hand...

Love, love this boy!



These are those big feet I told you about!





“Children too are a gift from the LORD, the fruit of the womb, a reward.” – Psalm 127:3

     November 1st was  our next appt. with Dr. S ( the Peri).  Like I said we were very anxious before this ultrasound because we knew Dr S. would be checking the function of all of the boys vital organs.  We were a nervous wreck.  As the ultrasound began the technician told us that she noticed more fluid on baby "A" than baby "B".  We were told not to worry because it didn't seem to be posing a problem at this point.  When she finished her part of the ultrasound, she handed it over to Dr. S.  We got a good look at the boys hearts, lungs, kidney's etc.  Everything seemed pretty much normal, or so we thought.  Dr. S. all of the sudden had a look of concern on his face.  We had seen this look one too many times and knew there was a problem.  He said he hated to even say anything to us because I was such a worrier but he wasn't going to hide anything from us either.  As Trent and I held hands, we were ready for the news.  Dr S. told us that there was a small white spot on baby "B's" heart.  He didn't have a name for the spot and had no clue what to even tell us it was.  He said years ago, if this spot was seen on a babies heart that the Doctors would assume the baby had Down Syndrome.  He didn't want us to worry though because he said there were many signs of Down Syndrome and he didn't notice any of the others at this point.  Trent and I had already decided not to have an amnio because there is always a risk of miscarriage, when the sac is punctured.  If we were to have this done it would for sure let us know if baby "B",  Parker, would have any problems.  It wasn't worth the risk to us.  We could deal with Down Syndrome if we had to.  It wouldn't change our love for our sweet boy.  He was still ours and perfect in our eyes.  We decided to try not to worry about this because things could always be worse.  Dr. S. assured us that there was only a small chance that there would be any heart defects or Down Syndrome.  With the boys being identical, the chance of one having a chromosomal problem without the other having the same problem would be rare but we didn't know what to think because our situation was becoming more and more rare daily.  As our appt. was coming to an end Dr S. told us that from here until almost thirty weeks we would need to see him every other week due to a possibility of Twin-to-Twin Transfusion.  When these words came out of his mouth I was almost sick.  This just gave me something else to worry about.  He said he did notice a slight difference in the fluid but we were not at a point where we should worry or even discuss options of treatment.  We didn't know what to think. 

     Many people ask me did I ever question God or wonder why us, and the answer is, yes.  I will tell you, that I never blamed God, but did constantly wonder how much more we could handle.  We had done everything right.  We both loved God unconditionally and prayed over these babies daily.  I didn't drink caffeine. take over the counter meds, or anything else that would harm the boys.  In my mind I had done everything possible.  I did take Zofran for the constant vomiting but that was it.  What else could I have done?  I just wanted a healthy family. 

     Our next appt. was scheduled for two weeks away and I would see Dr G. again next week.  Things really began to pick up at this point.  As the day came for my next regular OB appointment, I had my soon to be sister in law Melissa and my mother in law with me.  They wanted a chance to see the boys, and it worked out perfectly because Trent and I were in Alexandria for a work function for him.  So, Melissa and Bren drove to meet us and stay the night and we left bright and early the next day to head to see Dr G.  My appt. with Dr G. was great.  She thought everything looked fine as far as she could tell.  Although, she didn't have the capability to check the fluid levels of the boys because she didn't have high tech equipment like Dr. S.  This made me feel a little better.  I also asked her about the constant back pain, and she assured me that she thought it was normal.  At this point I had gained 15 pounds in just a few weeks, so she thought this explained the problem.  My back was just having trouble supporting three people.  As we left this appt. I had no way of knowing what the next two weeks had in store for us.  They would be the worst days of our lives, and we were so unprepared.

Psalm 55:22
Cast your burden upon the LORD, and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.

Our Growing Boys!

                   “Every good and perfect gift is from above.” – James 1:17

13 Weeks,  2 days...



14 weeks, 3 days!



Sucking his thumb!  One baby is facing right, the other left!

It's a boy. For sure!

      After Seeing the specialist, 9 days later I would see Dr. G again.  I was basically seeing a Dr. every other week at this point and sometimes every week.  I was now 14 weeks at this appt.  Mom wanted to see the boys, so she took off work to come with me to the ultrasound.  The appt. went smoothly and Dr. G joked with us about how big the boys feet were.  When she handed us the pics, we agreed.  They also had the longest little legs.  These, we assumed were from his Uncle Jake.  They were perfect!  At this appt. I asked Dr. G what she thought about me seeing a chiropractor.  I had been having the worst back pain of my life and was not able to sleep at all because of it.  I remember going to the mall with my mom and literally having to sit in the floor because from thirteen weeks on I was in excruciating pain.  Other than the pain everything had been going pretty smoothly for the last two weeks or so.  I still had some spotting issues around thirteen weeks but it had slacked off.  I guess you could say this was the calm before the storm. 

“And He took the children in his arms, put His hands on them and blessed them.” Mark 10:16





Let me introduce to you....Easton Craig and Benjamin Parker



precious hands!



Sweet, sweet boy!





love his lips!



 

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them"  Psalm139:13-16

       Our twelve week appt. with the specialist was everything we wanted.  We received nothing but good news.  Part of the exciting news that we were given, was that we were most likely having boys!  We were elated.  Let me just say.  We never cared either way what the babies were, as long as they were healthy.  Although, just imagine sitting in the room with your husband when you're told that you're having, not one, but two healthy baby boys.  I can tell you.  Trent was already assembling a ball team in his head...If given the choice we would both have told you that we would love, love, love two stinky little boys.  From what I hear, they love their mama's intensely.  This was just what I wanted to hear.  This appt. was very important because we were there for one main reason, to find the membrane between the babies.  Before we saw Dr. S (the peri) we had an ultrasound with a technician so that the two could compare results.  Her results were not very helpful for us.  She pushed and pushed on my stomach for 10-15 minutes with no luck.  She couldn't find the membrane.  At this point, I was shaking so terribly that she became concerned.  Remember, we weren't given a very high success rate if  there was no membrane.  We would most likely lose one of our boys. 

     As Dr. S entered the room the technician said with uncertainty.  I think I've found it.  After another twenty or so minutes of looking Dr. S confirmed that there was a membrane, but it was only about 1mm. thick.  This now put us in a new category.  Identical twins.  For a little background information.  Just because the babies were in the same sac doesn't mean they have to be identical.  The thickness of the membrane is what signals rather the babies are identical or not.  Trent and I were truly blessed.  Even Dr. G told us that identical twins were rare and it was a miracle to be given these boys.  Alot of people have fraternal twins that look alot alike, therefore we often think they are identical.  Our chances of conceiving identical twins was about 1 in 250. We were shocked!  Most babies that have a membrane between them, have one that measures about 3mm. thick!  Ours was so thin that it was barely visible, even when the ultrasound was zoomed in to the maximum.  We were told that we would probably not be able to tell our own babies apart and would need to paint their toenails to keep them separated.  I'll let you guess how Trent reacted to this.  I was told I would have to use black or green polish.  No red or pink!

     After our ultrasound we set up another appt. with the specialist for 16 weeks.  At the next ultrasound he would check all four chambers of the boys hearts, and the rest of their organs.  We were on cloud nine!  God had blessed us more than we could ever imagine.  Our babies were both the same size and measured the same length, which is not always the case.  Dr. S was surprised at how they were growing exactly the same.  The next few weeks went smoothly.  I tried not to worry as much because we were now told that the chances of us miscarrying was about 1%.  With this news, we were happy, so happy.

"I will praise the LORD God with a song and a thankful heart."
Psalm 69:30











9 weeks...



9 weeks...

     Our first 6 weeks were some of the hardest days of our lives to date.  We went to bed every night praying and pleading to God to save our babies.  Now we had finally made it to nine weeks.  To many people this doesn't seem to be a huge deal but we knew, each week we were given brought us closer to viability for the babies.  We had to atleast make it to twenty five weeks, although our prayer was to get closer to thirty seven.  At twenty five weeks the babies could survive but there were numerous problems they would face being less than two pounds.  I never thought I would plead with God to let us make it to twenty five weeks.  No, we didn't want the babies to suffer but we did want them to have a fighting chance. 

     At nine weeks we had our next appt. with Dr. G.  The babies looked great and were growing at exactly the same rate.  This is not always true for identical twins.  One baby usually grows more rapidly which can be harmful to the smaller of the two.  We were thrilled and thought we were only going to receive good news this day but that wouldn't be the case.  Dr. G tried an tried to make the babies move so she could see if there was a membrane between them.  We already knew they were in the same sac but our fear all along had been that they were not separated at all.  The problem with no membrane is that the babies cords begin to tangle terribly and more times than not only one baby survives.  If we were in this category our babies only had around a 60% chance of both surviving.  This is not at all what we wanted to hear.  The odds may seem like they were in our favor but they weren't.  My Dr. had only delivered a few sets of twins like this is her eleven years of practice.  She told me of one set that she lost around twenty five weeks and one set that made it to thirty seven weeks.  Needless to say we were at a loss for words.  On our way out of the office Dr. G told us to wait while she called the specialist, to see if he could see us in the next three weeks.  I heard her tell him that she knew he didn't normally see twins until sixteen weeks gestation but ours seemed to me in the same sac with no membrane.  If you know me at all. you know that I worry worse than probably anyone you know.  It's an issue I have dealt with for years.

     As we got out next appt. scheduled for three weeks later, we then left the office speechless.  We neither one knew how to comfort the other and both dreaded calling our parents and breaking the news to them.  I remember Trent telling me to wait a bit before calling our parents so we could pray and try to process what we had been told.

     "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:5-6



Then there were TWO!



6 weeks, 1 day





7 weeks, 1 day!

 









May God be gracious to us and bless us and make his face shine upon us.    Selah  (Psalm 67)

     August 24, 2010 was my first appointment with my baby Dr.  I had heard many great things about the wonderful lady who would take care of me and my precious baby over the next five months of my pregnancy.  Trent and I were so excited to hear the little heartbeat and to see our miracle baby.  We had been through so much in the last few weeks and prayed so very much over this sweet baby that we were now so anxious to see it.  Needless to say we had to wait almost an hour to see the Dr. and our nerves were getting the best of us.  Finally the sweet nurse (who I will refer to as K) rounded the corner and said we were ready to have our ultrasound.  My first ultrasound was with nurse K instead of my Dr. because at this point my pregnancy was considered low risk.  Trent and I entered the ultrasound room for the first time filled with anxiety, fear, happiness etc.  Nurse K left us alone for a few minutes before the ultrasound and we took time to pray over this precious baby.  We prayed for health, happiness, and for this baby to know and be a follower of God as we raised it in this crazy world.

     The time had come.  Nurse K was back and ready to perform the ultrasound.  Before she even finished covering my stomach with the cold jelly, that I would soon become accustomed to, I was already asking questions.  The first thing that came out of my mouth was can you please turn the screen this way so I can see the baby?  The next question was, how long will it take to get a heartbeat?  I guess you could say I was just a nervous first time mother.  Now that the ultrasound was under way I kept a constant watch on nurse K's face to make sure everything was ok.  It was then that she furrowed her eye brows and gave me a look of concern.  I was terrified.  I immediately asked "is it's heart not beating?"  "is everything ok?  This is when I was given the news that would rock our world for the next five months.  "There's not one, but TWO"  she said.  I began to cry and could no longer look at the two little beans that were bouncing around the screen.  I remember Trent saying "Oh God, how are we going to do this?"  "What are we going to do?"  I just held his hand and reassured him that we would be fine, although I was so unprepared to be a mother of twins.  This is the point, in just five minutes that would mark me as a high risk pregnancy.  Of course, we now had to wait and let my Dr. come look at the babies to make sure we were good to go.

    I kept thinking, we can do this.  I have no idea how but we will.  I guess I should have been prepared.  After all, mine and Trent's family had joked that we would probably be the ones to end up with twins.  As our appointment drew to an end, my Dr. (Dr. G) said everything looked good and baby "A" had a heartbeat of 120 and baby "B" was at 109.  Baby "B" needed to speed up a bit she said but over all looked perfect. "Don't be concerned she said, but there doesn't seem to be a line between them but it may be to early to see it".  To me this just meant they may be identical.  This was normal right?  She then explained that if the babies were in the same sac, which they seemed to be, and if there was no line, then we could be in for trouble.  We would be classified as a Mo-Mo pregnancy.  She wouldn't give me the details at this point but wanted us to wait to see the specialist to find out for sure.  At this point I wasn't very concerned because I hadn't researched Mo-Mo twins and had no clue the problems that came with them. 

     After the ultrasound Trent and I were congratulated by all of the nurses in the office.  They all seemed so happy for us and we were happy too.  We were just a little more scared than happy!  As we got our next appt. set up and left, we began to call our parents.  We put them on speaker phone so we could both hear their reactions.  I'll never forget Trent's mom when he told her.  I remember his exact words.  "Mom remember when we used to joke and say that I would probably be sent away for my job?"  Yes, she said.  "Remember when we all joked and said we would probably be the ones to have twins?"  She then began to shout with excitement and shock.  I just remember her saying "I'm going to be sick.  It was definitely a memorable moment. When I called my mom she yelled so loud that everyone in the bank heard her.  They started coming in her office to see what the BIG news was.  We were all so happy.  My dad had a wonderful reaction too, although I can't exactly put what he said on here.  As it probably wouldn't be appropriate!  After his initial shock, his first words were, it's going to be two boys.  I said dad there's now way (if you know my dad then you know he has four daughters) because out of all 15 grandchildren, there are two boys.  The same is true on Trent's side of the family.  He and his brother Jake were the only two boys until their little cousin was born a few years ago.  We thought we were now on the right track and would hopefully have no more scares.  That was until 24 hours later...I began to bleed again.  This time was worse.  I called Trent at work and told him I was going to the emergency room to be checked.  He met me there and as I cried he was there by my side as we waited to see the ER Dr.  The news we received was wonderful.  Baby "A"  had a heartbeat of 118 and baby "B" had sped up to 120.  This was exactly what Dr. G said needed to happen.  Our prayers were once again answered.  My HCG levels had also gone from 35,000 to 48,000 which meant we were not in danger for a miscarriage at this point.  We continued to thank God for our babies and for blessing us with two.  Even though this was not our plan, it was His. 

    I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders.  I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.  (Psalm 9)

Test's test's and more test's

5 weeks along!  Still a secret at this point!



                                       
When I arrived for my ultrasound the next day I was a mixture of terrified and excited.  I left still fearing what might happen.  The ultrasound tech couldn't see anything on my left ovary.  I was confused because I had just been told that I had an unidentified mass.  The technician was very thorough with the ultrasound and couldn't find any problems what so ever.  Once again my God had, in my mind performed a miracle. 

     Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present you requests to God.  All of the peace that transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)

    I was hope full to be able to see the baby at this ultrasound but we couldn't.  I was only 4 weeks along at the time and so the only sign of pregnancy, was  thickening of my cervix and of course the positive blood work.  After this ultrasound I took my results back across the street to my Dr. and sat with her to get her opinion.  I would now be told my my intestines were possibly wrapped around my ovary, which would explain the pain.  I would rather think that my God, all powerful and mighty did the job and corrected the problem.  I was also given news that rocked my world and totally shocked me.  Now there was a possibility that I was having a tubal pregnancy (this is the where the baby develops in the fallopian tube instead of in the stomach).  Once again I thought, there is no way this is happening.  I have been told I had poly cystic ovaries, a mass, intestines wrapped around my ovary, and now of all things a possible tubal pregnancy.  My Dr. told me that she had reason to believe my pregnancy was tubal due to the fact that my hormone levels were so low at this point and also because of the pain.  She told me if my tube ruptured there was a chance I wouldn't be able to have more children.  I was not able to ride in the car to go back to our parents that weekend due to the possibility of this happening.  Now all I could do was sit in Lake Charles waiting for my tube to rupture or for the pain to get so bad that I would go to the emergency room and have a D & C. 
     Over the next two weeks I had blood work every other day.  My level needed to double every 48 hours if this was indeed a normal pregnancy, and they did.  My level went from 23 to 90 in just a few days.  We weren't in the clear yet because I would now need another ultrasound to see if we could see the baby and where it was located.  I would have to wait another week for this though.  We needed to ensure that I was at least 5 weeks along in order to see the baby in the sac, or in the tube.  On August 12th my prayers were once again answered.  The ultrasound technician showed me the tiny gestational sac (IN MY TUMMY) that proved this was a healthy pregnancy.  The next day I was sent back to my Dr. to be referred to a baby Dr.  She was surprised with how this how all worked out but still told me there was a 15 to 20% chance I would miscarry.  She said these were the statistics, and that I should be aware.  She was always very straight forward, like it or not.  She also told me that she was not God and that He would determine the outcome, not her.
     We were still urged to not tell our family yet, due to the fact that I was only 4-5 weeks along.  So we waited until closer to my next Dr.s appointment.  The weekend that we told was right before my next appointment which was on August 24th.  We announced it at church this weekend, believing that we needed all of the prayers we could get.  I thought it would be smooth sailing from here.  Boy was I wrong.

     Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.   Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  (James 1:2-4)

     The day after we announced our great news at church I had one of the biggest scares of my life.  It was on a Monday, the day that would begin my fall semester at McNeese in order to get my next degree in may 2011.  As I was walking out the door to school I began to feel strange.  It was then I realized that I was bleeding very heavily and must be having a miscarriage.  I was distraught.  Once again while picking up the phone to call Trent, my mom called.  I was sobbing and told her I didn't know what to do but that I was pretty sure I was losing the baby.  She left work immediately and drove to LC.  I called Trent and he took me to the emergency room.   My appointment with my baby Dr. was the next morning so she was of no help to me yet, due to the fact that I was a first time patient.  I had blood work once again and was sent home until they called me that evening with the results of my hormone levels.   The results were staggering.  My levels had gone from 1,402 to 35,000 in just a few weeks. My next question was an obvious one to me.  Am I having twins?  The nurse assured me that I probably wasn't and told me that these levels, although very high were still considered normal range for a singleton pregnancy.  Now that I knew I most probably wasn't miscarrying, although I wouldn't know  for sure until my ultrasound the next day, my thoughts went to what in the world I was going to do about college.  I had missed the first day of classes and had no room to get behind, due to the fact that I was taking 21 hours in order to be able to graduate in May.  What a rollercoaster we were on!!!!!  and the next day would only add to the ride..

Lots of News (Part 2)

When I arrived at Trent's office, my heart was racing.  I had always wanted to think of some way to tell Trent that we could always remember.  That really wasn't the case.  I ran in his office and shut the door behind me.  He had this look on his face that I will never forget.  Wondering why I was so out of breath and crying he got concerned but didn't ask any questions.  I couldn't hold the news in any longer.  "Were having a baby" I said and the first words that came to his mouth were, "see I told you it wouldn't take long, you had no reason to worry". 
     You may think the next person I would call would be my mom but she actually accidently found out before Trent.  This was never my intentions.  She just always happens to call at the right time.  When I answered the phone when my mom called I had just pushed the end button to end my call with the Dr.s office.  How was I supposed to keep this from her now?  I was crying like a baby and she would think I was deathly ill if I didn't tell her the truth.  When I answered the phone she heard my crys and said "are you ok" all I could say was "I'm pregnant mom"  and I have to get to Trent as fast as I can.  Needless to say she cried, and went on tell me that she was calling to tell me she had a dream the night before that I went back to the Dr. and they told me I was pregnant.  Call it crazy or a mothers intuition.  She just always seems to know whats going on.
     In the meantime Trent told me he would call his mom as soon as he got a chance, so I had to keep it a secret from her until her called to tell me she knew.  About an hour later Bren (my mother in law) called me.  I had no idea that she knew yet, so I just kept it to myself, making up excuses of needing to get off of the phone to take Trent his lunch.  If you know me very well then you know, when I have something exciting to tell it's hard for me to keep quite.  I can't help it. It's just my personality.  I ended the call with her and called Trent, who then started laughing.  The joke was on me.  She knew already and was trying to see if I could keep it from her.....

Lot's of news in so little time!

On August 4, 2010 Trent and I received our GREAT news.  Little did we know, the next 5 months would be bittersweet. This is where our journey begins.  This past March 2010 I finally went to the Dr. because of constant pain in my left ovary area.  It had been going on for about two months went I finally caved and went and had it checked.  The news I received scared me.  To give you a little back ground info. My mom has poly cystic ovaries and it seemed to my Dr. that it had been hereditary and I would now suffer from the same disease that caused my mom years to become a mother herself.  I was terrified.  I was sent for an ultrasound and it came back clear.  There was nothing wrong with my ovary and I would be perfectly fine.  "God is great".  The pain eventually quit and then suddenly started back in July, worried once again I went back to the Dr.  This time I was told I had an unknown mass on my left ovary.  I knew from the previous ultrasound that I didn't have poly cystic ovaries.  Now my fear was something even worse.  I asked as many questions as I could think of but all my Dr. would say was there was definitely something there but she wasn't sure what.  I went home that evening and Trent and I prayed that I would be healed and that the pain would stop. 
The next morning I was sent for blood work and told that I needed to have another ultrasound on the upcoming Wednesday.  I had my blood work and went home to wait for the dreaded ultrasound the next day.  That evening I received a phone call from my Dr.s office telling me to have another pregnancy test when I went for my ultrasound the next day!  I was SHOCKED.  I told the nurse there must be a mistake because I was not pregnant and was being checked the next day to see what this unknown mass was that had been causing pain for months.  Once again "God is GREAT".  I began to cry while on the phone with the nurse.  I asked her was she telling me that I was pregnant.  "Yes" she said "it seems you are".  My mind began to race.  I was going to me a mother.  God had given me just what I always wanted.  She then told me I still needed the ultrasound the next day to see what this unknown pain was.  For the rest of the day everything was perfect as I tried to figure out how to tell Trent.  This was something I had thought about for months.  I wasted no time worrying about the pain that was still plagueing me.  I had been given a miracle.  My Dr. had already warned me that It would probably be a year before I conceived, if that quick.  She told me I may end up having to take Clomid to jump start ovulation but she wouldn't prescribe this until we for sure knew what the problem was.  So I quit taking my birth control in May and Trent and I began once again to pray that God would  give us the desires of our hearts. 
         My mind kept spinning.  A year was all I kept saying to myself," a year".  The Dr. was wrong it hadn't taken a year .  God heard our crys and blessed us in two short months.  I instantly jumped im my car and raced to Trent's office.  He would be so happy.  We would both be so happy.  I couldn't believe how blessed we had been and my mind began to think ahead ,as I wondered, would we have a boy or a girl?  and  What would he/ she look like?

                  "So do not fear; for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you."  (Isa. 41:10)

                                                   Our wedding day!  July 18, 2009

Here We Go!!!!!

It's so difficult to know where to begin.  I should have been blogging for quite some time now but just never took the time to figure it out.  Thanks to my husband, our mom's, and my best friend Lindsay for the encouragement to begin ths blog.   My life as a happily married girl began on July 18, 2009.  My husband Trent and I have been together for a total of 7 years now. WOW how time flies.  Our wedding day was absolutely perfect.  Trent was so very handsome and the ceremony was everything we ever dreamed of.  Our parents helped us plan the most beautiful and special day and that's just what it was.  I was the happiest girl in the world.  Trent and I had many dreams.  Many of them being the same things most married couples want, a happy marriage, children, a nice home etc.  Over the past year or so we have accomplished alot.  Trent has a great job in Lake Charles and although we so want to be closer to our families we know we are blessed.  We live in a nice home and have two precious puppies that keep us company for the most part.  We need for nothing, although being human, we always have wants.  We serve a God that is all knowing and powerful and he will fulfill the desires of our hearts. 
     Soon after Trent and I were married I had a very strong desire to become a mother.  What woman doesn't?  We talked for months about having children and just wanted the timing to be right.  Once again, trying to control the timing when God would bless us in his own perfect time.  It was getting closer and closer to our one year anniversary and we had prayed that God would bless us with a baby when He saw fit.  Still we had questions about how we were going to do this own our own in South La. because our mothers are in North Louisiana.  Although we wanted to be close to our entire family it would be our mother's help that we missed the most.  In my opinion everyone needs their mother close when trying to learn to be a new mother themselves.  Trent and I both have magnificant mothers.  They had agreed to come help us anytime, day or night, when ever we may need them , although we are almost four hours away from home.  So the decision was made by us to try to begin our family.  This is where our real story begins.  We were ready to become parents, and God thought so too.