April 17,2011 = Due Date and MOVING ON....

     Today was our due date......I am not crying, angry, or having a bad day.  It's going pretty well actually. Trent and I are so blessed.  Like I've said numerous times before, God has been so good to us.  We don't sit around sad all of the time, nor do we talk about the boys every second of every day.  It may seem crazy to some but we sometimes go days without mentioning them.  I know this blog is not a good indicator of this but my goal was to use this space to tell about Easton and Parker.  I talk about them alot more on here than I do in my everyday life.  My family and I talk about them a lot more than we share but we know we have to move forward and not mention them in every conversation.  With that being said, you all know the story and I am doing my best to find other topics to talk about.  Although the pain is at times unbearable, we are happy and thriving.  There's not a weekend that goes by that we aren't hanging out with a group of friends, spending the day together at the movies, or hanging out with our family back home.  So here's to the last nine months of sadness, grief, heartache, and at times sheer joy.  I'M MOVING ON......There may be a few more days between post's as I try to find more topics to talk about.  I hope you continue to follow, although I can't promise I won't bore you.  I look forward to the happy days ahead. 

April 16. 2011

    Trent and I are having a great weekend...We went to the movies today to see Arthur.  It was pretty funny.  Then Trent decided we needed a new grill because ours broke last weekend so, he said he needed one now!  Although, he does make the BEST barbecue chicken so I was glad to get one today also.  The weather is perfect today in South Louisiana, so we decided to do some yard work and bathe Charlee, which is always a task.  I don't know about you guys but I love to mow.  There's just something about a beautiful sunny day on the mower that I enjoy.  In case you're wondering, Trent doesn't make me mow, I choose too.  I've always enjoyed it, well at least since we've had a riding lawn mower that is.  Push mowing is a man's job!  As far as bathing Charlee, lets just say she may still be covered in suds.  It's not her favorite.  Well I better be going because Trent and I are going to our favorite restaurant Buffalo Wild Wings to eat.  We LOVE their garlic Parmesan wings! Yummy!



146 days...

146 days, that's how long it's been since..........

-I sat in a hospital room hoping and praying to make it to Houston on Monday, November 22nd to have the vessels fused between Easton and Parker, begging God to save my babies.

-I sat researching this experimental  procedure that would be performed, if the doctors could make a tiny incision in my amniotic sac without rupturing it.

-I prayed that although this was VERY experimental and had only been done successfully a few hundred times, that I would be added to that number of successful cases.

-I felt Easton kicking me in my right rib, wondering how his little feet could possibly be so strong.

-I laid in bed rubbing my not so small tummy and talking to my sweet boys....AKA "Mama's babies".

-I stood in horror as I realized my water had broken and that my babies would not live.

-I saw the most terrible look on my husband's face as he rounded the bathroom corner and screamed in horror as he realized this was the end as we knew it.

-I laid in the hospital bed screaming out for a Dr. as the six nurses kept reassuring me that Dr. G. would be to the hospital shortly.

-I had the strongest urge to push but the nurses kept telling me I had to wait, for fear that I may need surgery if "this" didn't go as planned.

-I wondered how I would birth these babies, knowing that for five months I was told I would need a section.

-My husband cradled me and said "It's just you and me now".

-I held the most beautiful babies in the world and rocked them as I sang lullabies to them.

-I sat in the bed as my Dr. and family cradled me in tears.

-Since, Trent sat in a rocking chair, rocking our boys in tears as he said "I'll always be one proud Papa."  "We did good baby, we made the most beautiful children."

-Sat in shock as I was wheeled down that hallway to my car without my children.

- SINCE, I realized, that I no longer had children.....

"Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief."
 Proverbs 14:13

For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16

Easton Craig

Easton Craig

Benjamin Parker



both of my boys!



Parker



My weekend.....

   This weekend I drove in to North Louisiana to do my little sisters hair and make-up for her first prom.  She turned fifteen years old last November and I can't believe how quickly the time has flown.  I was nine when Madison was born and I still remember all of the details.  She is a precious "little" girl and has my heart....Here are a few of her pictures. Isn't she a doll?  I tried my best to make her hair look as good as she hoped it would...

Make-up Time!

Always on the phone...

The final product!

Me and my girl!

Isn't she a beauty?

Love her!

   On Saturday I went to The Catfish Festival in my home town of Winnsboro.  We had lots of fun and got to see lots of old friends.  I went to the festival with my mom and friend Sunny and met up with my mother in law and husband after we got there.  Here are a few pics of my day at the festival.  I sure to miss being in Winnsboro and spending time with our friends and family.

Mabry and I

My sweet husband

Sunny Rae and I

Mom and I



   Over all I had a great weekend until Sunday when I started feeling pretty terrible.  I ended up going to the doctor today and finding out I have double ear infections and a terrible sore throat.  Seriously? I don't think I have ever had an ear infection, much less both ears at one time.  Anyway I am going to be just fine in a few days.  On a side note, I am not so sure that having blood pressure that is 64/42  is very healthy.  After three times of trying to get my pressure to read this is what is said on the fourth time.......Anywho, I hope everyone has a great week!

We are blessed even though....

  We are blessed, even though, come Monday Trent may be without pay for a while because our Federal Government has fallen to shambles....

  We are blessed, even though we lost our first born children due to one of the most awful syndromes in the world, Twin to Twin transfusion.

  We are blessed, even though it will be months, maybe years before we hold another one of our children in our arms.

  We are blessed, even though the first thought on our mind's each morning is the thought of my dead children and the last time I held them.

  We are blessed, even though, out of the 24 hours in a day, I sit and make of scenario's in my mind of my children being alive.

   We are blessed, even though I lay in bed at night and wonder if I am going absolutely crazy because I picture my children, three years old running around the yard with there daddy.

   We are blessed, even though, I feel guilty that I am my mother's only child and I couldn't keep her first born grand children alive.

   We are blessed even though,  there is only a 10-15% chance of having Twin to Twin Transfusion and we were in that small percentage.

We are blessed BECAUSE:
   
      There is only a 3% chance of having twins, and WE were chosen in this 3%.

      There is only a 0.4% chance of having identical twins and WE were given this miracle.

      We have an AWESOME support group, between our family and friends.

      Our parents are beyond AMAZING and totally support us in wanting more children as soon as possible.
   
      God gave me the most awesome husband ever, who my doctor's bragged about for weeks.    Without Trent I would not be.  The one thing worse than losing my children would be losing him.  He is my world and the love of my life.

       I realize that my life could be much worse and God will not give me more than I can handle.

       I have made so many new friends through this entire ordeal.  I realize that I am not the only mother without my children.

      We are blessed because our God died and rose again so that we may have everlasting life.
      
      We are faithful in the small things and know that God will give us the number of children that he sees fit.  We will be parents rather it's to more children on this earth, or to Easton and Parker in Heaven.

     Last but not least, We are blessed because when we go to meet Jesus, we know without a shadow of a doubt that Easton and Parker will be at his side, calling out to us.  I can't wait to be with our boys again ......I can't think of anything better than hearing them shout out "Mom", "Dad".  What sweet music that will be to my ears.

This is the man I live for....

   


   

Izzy Belle's New Do!

                                      Is she precious or what?

Another day, Another Angel...

     A family from my hometown is facing the worst day of their lives.  Monica Hitt Grayson and her husband have lost their four month old daughter due to heart complications.  As they grieve for their sweet baby girl, Madison, please keep them in your prayers.  I can't imagine the agony they must be feeling.

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14

Here is a picture of sweet little Madison:

I know God is loving having this sweet pea with him.  She is a doll.